So, I use the term “Miami” loosely. Technically, it’s “South Florida,” but this is just easier.

I had my kids for 7 blissful weeks in T-ville. We had a great summer, including camps and fun food, lots of games, and we also built some good habits. But I knew the move was coming up fast. I’d known (for sure) about the move for a few weeks, but I still hadn’t found an apartment to fit my budget. It ain’t cheap to live down here!

Eventually, I decided that while I continued the search for an apartment, I’d stay at this extended stay place. For a month tops.

So I drove my kids down to South Florida. Many hours. Driving. With four kids.

I’ve gone through harder things. The kids weren’t terrible, if I’m being totally honest.

So I got to my ex’s house — an expensive home in an expensive neighborhood — and dropped off the kids and their things. I won’t get into the injustices I saw there. I just smiled and went on my way to what would become my new-home-for-now.

This place is… not what I expected. I thought this would be like any other hotel I had stayed at, with a kitchen and a little floor space. But it wasn’t.

Bugs on the wall. carpet that felt oily. The “kitchen” was a couple of hot plates and a microwave. At least there was a fridge. Something about the beds creeped me out, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Something about this place scared me. I didn’t feel safe. This was a horrible mistake.

I cried my eyes out. I thought about my family and I thought about staying here for a month. And I cried some more. All the stress and emotions from what I’d just gone through just caught up to me and I bawled.

Then I remembered that I had made a couple of friends from church while I was down here hunting for apartments. So I took some deep, calming breaths. This was me. Calm. For a simple phone call.

I called K. One of the first things she said to me was, “It sounds like you’re not doing so well.”

And the tears came right back up. My throat tightened and I was barely able to speak. “Yeah.”

I told K about my situation. She knew the part of town I was in and explained that there are different levels of “bad neighborhoods” down here. I wasn’t in the kind of place that would get me shot, but there was a lot of drug use. “Just don’t go out at night and you should be alright.”

“But my suitcases are in the car. Can I get those?”

K paused. “Why don’t I come over there and we can walk together?”

So a bit later, K showed up with the other friends I had made, a married couple, C and J. C brought me some dinner and K brought me some little soaps and things in a gift bag. It sounds silly, but these little treasures gave me a little spark of hope. That I could make it though this.

They all sat and talked with me, asked me about my situation and my plans, and gave me some words of comfort. This of course, made me cry. Again. Then they helped me get my bags up to my room, gave me hugs, and I was alone again.

If I didn’t stay busy, I would cry again, so I started going through my things and organizing them. I put the dinner in the fridge because my stomach felt all in knots. I took a shower, got in my pajamas, and wasted some time on my phone until I was calm enough to go to sleep.

Lights out.

Maybe 20 minutes later, there’s a tickling feeling on my arm.

Lights on.

There’s a bug crawling around in my sheets! It was a tiny roach-looking things. My whole body tensed up and I smashed it with whatever I could grab. I don’t even remember what it was. I think there was some screaming and more crying involved. Then I noticed even tinier bugs on the nightstand next to me. I about had a panic attack!

After a frantic google search, I thought it was probably just little roaches, but I was terrified that it could be bedbugs. I moved all my things to the other side of the room, then checked and double-checked the bed for more bugs. I couldn’t find anything. But I didn’t feel okay in that bed. So I moved to the other one.

I checked the sheets. Moved the pillows around. Nothing.

But I kept the light on for a long time. Eventually I fell asleep.

 

 

Ah, the dreaded blank page! The first blog entry. So intimidating!

But I thought I needed to start this blog for myself — to document this chapter of my life, so I can look back and (hopefully) laugh — and for any other person out there who is struggling. Maybe you’re a single parent like me, maybe you’re trying to start your life over. Maybe you just moved to a new city and you’re scared. (I feel ya!) Maybe things are just tough right now. Whatever the case may be, know that there are others out there with struggles and successes and those gut-wrenching, anvil-heavy questions like, “Am I doing enough?” or “How am I going to get through this?”

While this isn’t a religion-themed blog per se, I do rely heavily on my faith to get me through hard times. Struggles come with lots of prayer. Sometimes it’s what keeps me going. But I don’t intend to preach at you or tell you how YOU should be praying or anything like that.

So a bit about me: Newly divorced. 4 kids. New town. My whole life was in T-ville. Friends, family, familiarity. I had even gotten through half of an RN program. I had to give that up to be down here, in Miami, so I can be with my kids. I fought to get them to T-ville, but the legal system and my ex let me down. My kids are here. So I’m here.

I was a stay-at-home mom before all this went down. My whole life centered around my kids. I spent all day with them. It was hard, but I loved it. Now my goal is to be there for my kids as much as possible while supporting a family of five. The kids will be with their dad 50% of the time, so when they’re with me, I want to make sure I’m the best parent I can possibly be. They’ve been through this divorce, too. It hasn’t been easy on anyone. Although, I guess I can’t speak for my ex… I imagine things are not the way he pictured them, but who knows?

I’m 32 years old and I want to be a nurse. The plan is still for me to go to nursing school; I just have to start over because no school down here takes nursing transfer credit. The next available enrollment period for the program I want is next Fall. More than a year away. So the goal is to make ends meet and save some money until then.

I currently work remotely teaching as a part-time English as a Second Language with VIPKID. I also have a part-time job working for a private case management company. It’s just a few hours a week, but it’s flexible. With these two jobs as they currently stand, plus alimony, I bring in about 3/4 of what I need to make ends meet. Hence, the struggle.

I’m excited to see where this journey takes me. The thing about giving up everything to be with my kids is that I get to rebuild my life. This will probably be the hardest stage of my entire life. I want to make sure it’s worth it.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton